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Body language





Paying attention too and observing a woman's body language is the secret to meeting women and keeping the relationship exciting. A man who knows this will always have women around him for the picking, and a man who applies the body language observation to his lovemaking skills will have a very happy sex life.


Body language is a big subject and to master the reading of it to perfection requires a good deal of training and experience. Here we will just present some of the most practical things you can notice


You've been standing around the room for the past 2/3 hours and you're still wondering if the beautiful redhead is attracted to you.
When women are not interested, they simply look down and don't look at you. If she's gazing at you, then she's interested.
But don't get all excited and make a mess in your pants; this only means that she finds you attractive, not that she wants you as a husband.



She's Interested

Sidelong glance
First looks down, then away to the side
Looks at you for a few minutes
Holds your gaze briefly
Posture changes to alert
Tilted head
Matches your posture
Thrusts breasts
Does not touch face, touches hair

Don't Bother

Never sneaks a peak
Looks away at eye level
Fleets eye contact
Looks away quickly
Posture unchanged
Vertical head
Posture unchanged
Sags breasts
Touches face, nose and ears -- does not touch hair


Keep Talking

Alert & energetic
Open posture
Lowers drink
Caresses objects (cup)
Loosens everything
Leans forward

Start Walking

Tense & restless
Remains closed
Keeps drink at chest level
Taps objects
Tightens anything
Leans away


Take Me Home

Keeps eyes on you
Smiles -- shows teeth
Puts anything in mouth
Turns body towards you
Looks at you while drinking
Touches you

Only Being Polite

Looks around room
Smiles slightly
Nothing goes in mouth
Keeps facing away
Looks away & drinks
Does not touch you



The Seven Signals for Success

Here are seven general suggestions on good body language for the job interview.

Walk slowly, deliberately, and tall upon entering the room.

On greeting the interviewer, give (and, hopefully, receive) a friendly "eyebrow flash": that brief, slight raising of the brows that calls attention to the face, encourages eye contact, and (when accompanied by a natural smile) sends the strong positive signal that the interview has gotten off to a good start.

Use mirroring techniques. In other words, make an effort -- subtly! -- to reproduce the positive signals your interviewer sends. (Of course, you should never mirror negative body signals.) Say the interviewer leans forward to make a point; a few moments later, you lean forward slightly in order to hear better. Say the interviewer leans back and laughs; you "laugh beneath" the interviewer's laughter, taking care not to overwhelm your partner by using an inappropriate volume level. This technique may seem contrived at first, but you will learn that it is far from that, if only you experiment a little.

Maintain a naturally alert head position; keep your head up and your eyes front at all times.

Remember to avert your gaze from time to time so as to avoid the impression that you are staring; when you do so, look confidently and calmly to the right or left; never look down.

Do not hurry any movement.

Relax with every breath.



Used correctly, body language can reinforce what you are saying and give greater impact to your statements.

The following are tips to help you give the right non-verbal clues.


The Greeting

Giving a "dead fish" handshake will not advance one's candidacy: neither will opposite extreme, the iron-man bone crusher grip. The ideal handshake starts before the meeting actually occurs. Creating the right impression with the handshake is a three-step process.
Be sure that:
Your hands are clean and adequately manicured.
Your hands are warm and reasonably free of perspiration.
(There are a number of ways to ensure this, including washing hands in warm water at the interview site, holding one's hand close to the cheek for a few seconds, and even applying a little talcum powder.)
The handshake itself is executed professionally and politely, with a firm grip and a warm smile.
Remember that if you initiate the handshake, you may send the message that you have a desire to dominate the interview; this is not a good impression to leave with one's potential boss. Better to wait a moment and allow the interviewer to initiate the shake. (If for any reason you find yourself initiating the handshake, do not pull back; if you do, you will appear indecisive. Instead, make the best of it, smile confidently, and make good eye contact.) Use only one hand; always shake vertically. Do not extend your hand parallel to the floor, with the palm up, as this conveys submissiveness. By the same token, you may be seen as being too aggressive if you extend your flat hand outward with the palm facing down.


Facial Signals

Once you take your seat, you can expect the interviewer to do most of the talking. You can also probably expect your nervousness to be at its height. Accordingly, you must be particularly careful about the nonverbal messages you send at this stage.
Now, while all parts of the body are capable of sending positive and negative signals, the head (including the eyes and mouth) is under the closest scrutiny. Most good interviewers will make an effort to establish and maintain eye contact, and thus you should expect that whatever messages you are sending from the facial region will be picked up, at least on a subliminal level. Our language is full of expressions testifying to the powerful influence of facial signals. When we say that someone is shifty-eyed, is tight-lipped, has a furrowed brow, flashes bedroom eyes, stares into space, or grins like a Cheshire cat, we are speaking in a kind of shorthand, and using a set of stereotypes that enables us to make judgments -- consciously or unconsciously -- about a person's abilities and qualities. Those judgments may not be accurate, but they are usually difficult to reverse. Tight smiles and tension in the facial muscles often bespeak an inability to handle stress; little eye contact can communicate a desire to hide something; pursed lips are often associated with a secretive nature; and frowning, looking sideways, or peering over one's glasses can send signals of haughtiness and arrogance. Hardly the stuff of which winning interviews are made!


The Eyes

Looking at someone means showing interest in that person, and showing interest is a giant step forward in making the right impression. (Remember, each of us is our own favorite subject!) Your aim should be to stay with a calm, steady, and non-threatening gaze. It is easy to mismanage this, and so you may have to practice a bit to overcome the common hurdles in this area. Looking away from the interviewer for long periods while he is talking, closing your eyes while being addressed, repeatedly shifting focus from the subject to some other point: These are likely to leave the wrong impression.
Of course, there is a big difference between looking and staring at someone! Rather than looking the speaker straight-on at all times, create a mental triangle incorporating both eyes and the mouth; your eyes will follow a natural, continuous path along the three points. Maintain this approach for roughly three-quarters of the time; you can break your gaze to look at the interviewer's hands as points are emphasized, or to refer to your note pad. These techniques will allow you to leave the impression that you are attentive, sincere, and committed. Staring will only send the message that you are aggressive or belligerent. Be wary of breaking eye contact too abruptly, and shifting your focus in ways that will disrupt the atmosphere of professionalism. Examining the interviewer below the shoulders, is a sign of over familiarity. (This is an especially important point to keep in mind when being interviewed by someone of the opposite sex.) The eyebrows send a message as well. Under stress, one's eyebrows may wrinkle; as we have seen, this sends a negative signal about our ability to handle challenges in the business world. The best advice on this score is simply to take a deep breath and collect yourself. Most of the tension that people feel at interviews has to do with anxiety about how to respond to what the interviewer will ask. Practice responses to traditional interview questions and relax, you will do a great job.


The Head

Rapidly nodding your head can leave the impression that you are impatient and eager to add something to the conversation -- if only the interviewer would let you. Slower nodding, on the other hand, emphasizes interest, shows that you are validating the comments of your interviewer, and subtly encourages him to continue. Tilting the head slightly, when combined with eye contact and a natural smile, demonstrates friendliness and approachability. The tilt should be momentary and not exaggerated, almost like a nod of the head to one side.
(Do not overuse this technique!)


The Mouth

One guiding principle of good body language is to turn upward rather than downward. Look at two boxers after a fight: the loser is slumped forward, brows knit and eyes downcast, while the winner's smiling face is thrust upward and outward. The victor's arms are raised high, his back is straight, his shoulders are square. In the first instance the signals we receive are those of anger, frustration, belligerence, and defeat; in the second, happiness, openness, warmth, and confidence.
Your smile is one of the most powerful positive body signals in your arsenal; it best exemplifies the up-is-best principle, as well. Offer an unforced, confident smile as frequently as opportunity and circumstances dictate. Avoid at all costs the technique that some applicants use: grinning idiotically for the length of the interview, no matter what. This will only communicate that you are either insincere or not quite on the right track.
It's worth that the mouth provides a seemingly limitless supply of opportunities to convey weakness. This may be done by touching the mouth frequently (and, typically, unconsciously); "faking" a cough when confused with a difficult question; and/or gnawing on one's lips absentmindedly. Employing any of these "insincerity signs" when you are asked about, say, why you lost your last job, will confirm or instill suspicions about your honesty and effectiveness.


The Hands

As we have seen, a confident and positive handshake breaks the ice and gets the interview moving in the right direction. Proper use of the hands throughout the rest of the interview will help to convey an above-board, "nothing-to-hide" message.
Watch out for hands and fingers that take on a life of their own, fidgeting with themselves or other objects such as pens, paper, or your hair. Pen tapping is interpreted as the action of an impatient person; this is an example of an otherwise trivial habit that can take on immense significance in an interview situation.
(Rarely will an interviewer ask you to stop doing something annoying; instead, he'll simply make a mental note that you are an annoying person, and congratulate himself for picking this up before making the mistake of hiring you.)


The Feet

Some foot signals can have negative connotations. Women and men wearing slip-on shoes should beware of dangling the loose shoe from the toes; this can be quite distracting and, as it is a gesture often used to signal physical attraction, it has no place in a job interview. Likewise, avoid compulsive jabbing of the floor, desk, or chair with your foot; this can be perceived as a hostile and angry motion, and is likely to annoy the interviewer.




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